People Are Allowed to Think You’re Fabulous

Receiving compliments is a brilliant place to look at receiving, especially in Ireland, where many of us seem to have turned deflecting praise into a national sport.

Someone says something lovely, and before the compliment has barely left their mouth, we have made a joke, changed the subject, explained it away, or fired one straight back like we are playing emotional tennis.

I find this fascinating because I love telling people when I see something wonderful in them. I see everyone as perfect, always, although I will admit that with some people I have to reach a little further to remember that, usually when I think they are hurting someone I love. Still, I believe their light is there.

When I tell someone they are fabulous, which I do a lot, I often end up saying, “Just say... yes Lucy,” and I make them nod their head because otherwise I will probably keep telling them again and again until they take it in! It is funny, but I mean it. There is something fabulous about the moment someone stops arguing with their own light for half a second.

That is emotional receiving. It is allowing kindness, appreciation, love or admiration to reach you without shrinking the moment, explaining it away, or thinking you are making it easier for everyone by pretending it is no big deal.

There is a mental part too. The mind loves to get involved. It can start arguing with the compliment, searching for evidence against it, wondering if the person really meant it, or deciding that praise must be returned immediately so the balance is restored.

But a compliment does not create a debt. Someone is allowed to see you as fabulous. They are allowed to appreciate you without needing anything back in that exact second. You are allowed to smile, breathe, say thank you, and leave a little space before rushing on with the conversation.

So this is your receiving practice for the week. The next time someone says something kind, notice what happens in your body and your mind. Do you laugh it off, minimise it, praise them straight back, or feel as if you have been handed something too bright to hold?

Try simply saying thank you and letting that be enough. You might even add a little nod, just to let your whole system know you are willing to receive it.

FRED can help with this because your reaction to being appreciated tells you something about your energy. It can show you whether you are open to receiving, or whether you are still moving from the old habit of deflecting, performing or making yourself smaller.

People are allowed to think you are fabulous. You might even let them be right.

Reflective question: What is your usual reaction when someone gives you a compliment, and what would happen if you simply said thank you?