Are you compassionate with yourself?

When we look back at the past we often spot times we wish we had been more compassionate to others.  Particularly when we had more information about something that happened and learned about what others were going through.  I like to see myself as kind and thoughtful of others feelings so I am not fond of the feeling that I missed an opportunity to be helpful or just kind.  I particularly don't like feeling that I got so caught up in how I was thinking about a situation that I completely ignored the fact that there are two, if not three, four or five, sides to every story.

But how often do we think that about ourselves?  How often do we look back on a day/week/month that did not go well and say to ourselves, it is ok, the past does not equal the future, we can move on and again it is ok...

I can be very hard on myself.  One of my biggest changes for 2020 was to make sure I reviewed my day and celebrated my wins.  I am finding this nearly impossible!  After a lifetime of being tough, it feels really strange to give myself credit for what I did today and not to focus on the things that are still outstanding.

There is nothing I like more than writing a list and ticking things off.   I have been known to make lists with things like brush my teeth on them so that I have the satisfaction of marking it as done!

But what if your day goes off track?  Can you look back and say "I was doing the best I could at the time" or do you, like me, feel bad about all the things you did not achieve?  This is the time to practice self-compassion.

This is a small but very important mindset shift.  OK, we all may have days where we got caught up watching cat videos or playing games or something equally unproductive, but so long as we are doing it intentionally, maybe we needed the break.  On the other hand, if we stopped for five minutes and then fell down a Facebook/YouTube rabbit hole and did not resurface for a couple of hours, maybe there is a learning.  This is when a timer is our best friend.  We nearly all have them on our phones.  If you feel you need a break, decide how long it should be...set a timer and then open Facebook.  I find it really alarming how fast time can go when I am playing games or watching videos or just scrolling!

There is always an opportunity to learn.  At the end of the day, i like to ask myself...

What was the best thing that happened today?

What did I set out to do and how did that go?

How did I feel today?

What did I learn?

What is the main thing I will work on tomorrow?

Then I stop and give myself a pat on the back for everything I have done.  I often find that the things I did not get to were not that important anyway when I look at my overall outcome for the day so I can tick them off too!

So regardless of what you set out to achieve, what actually happened and what you are telling yourself, stop in the evening and remind yourself that you were doing the best you could today and that tomorrow is another day.  Give yourself a hug and tell yourself how amazing you are!

Photo by Vincent van Zalinge on Unsplash